Hopeless Romantic

I’ve heard these two words used more times than I can count and in far too many different contexts. The average person just doesn’t know what the hopeless romantic is, because even though many people may feel that their chances at romance are hopeless, they still aren’t hopeless romantics. The hopeless romantic is not one who hopes for a relationship and yet never does anything to gain it. It is not a person who envisions the perfect relationship but time and time again just fails to grasp onto it. The hopeless romantic is far more than these feeble things, these trivial attempts at happiness or love, the hopeless romantic encompasses the entire essence of what a relationship can be, of what happiness should be, of what love could be if given a chance.

            Last year, I had a very kind man tell me that he and I were much alike, that he considered himself a hopeless romantic and that he perceived me to be one too. This struck me as odd because to be honest, I’d never considered myself to be a hopeless romantic, more importantly I just assumed my thoughts about love, happiness, and marriage were just like everyone else’s. (Disclaimer: If you knew me in high school than you should know that I changed quite a lot in my first few months of college, so the thoughts I’m speaking of are not the same ones I had back then.) Admittedly, I did know that some of my thought processes towards relationships were and still are very similar to women’s thought processes- basically overanalyzing. If you want to know what it truly means to overanalyze, just think about the fact that I waited 3 and a half months to ask out a girl this year, and during that time I basically thought up every scenario, except for the one scenario which actually played out, crazy how God seems to make stuff like that happen.

            Okay, back to the real subject at hand, the hopeless romantic. First off, hopeless romantic definitely seems like an ironic statement, if I’m using ironic correctly. The hopeless romantic is not hopeless, in reality the hopeless romantic is actually full of hope, constantly hoping beyond hope that relationships will go as planned or at least go along a similar route as the plan. Hopeless romantics spend an amazing amount of time thinking about every possible outcome of each decision that could be made both in preparation of a relationship and then within a relationship. They take overanalyzing to a whole new level and try to do whatever they can to prevent anything from messing up because after you spend a ton of time creating a pretty awesome relationship in your head, its definitely annoying when things don’t go as planned. Now this does make hopeless romantics sound pretty intimidating and kind of high strung but this isn’t really the case. The H.R. may desire to create a fantastic relationship, and may do lots of thinking about who that relationship should be with, but even they know that a couple is made up of two people (and God) so therefore things will never go as planned, which just makes it that much more exciting.

            Now, while the hopeless part of their title seems ironic, the romantic part rings to be very true. The romantic part may not always be what the average person pictures to be romantic but the H.R. is in fact quite romantic in their planning and more importantly, in their understanding of love. They are capable of creating the most romantic scenes you might ever imagine even though those scenes are likely to never occur because as I’ve said, life does not follow the plans or whims of man. While the romantic gestures they create may not ever come to fruition, the love that the hopeless romantic feels is not only quite real, but also boundless and knowledgeable. The H.R. understands what it means to love someone with all their heart, is able to spot the differences between love and desire, and wants more than anything to share their love.

            In some ways God could be seen as a hopeless romantic but more of the ultimate hopeless romantic. He’s able to see how all scenarios will end and thus is the creator of all love. He was the first one to ever love because He loved us. When we spend time looking out at the sunset over a calm sea, watching the light reflect off a snowy mountain, or even sitting by the one you love enjoying each other’s mutual silence, God created these events, God created every romantic event. God doesn’t have to spend his time planning every possible scenario of the relationships of our world, because He already knows the one scenario that will play out. God’s love isn’t hopeless or necessarily hopeful, it is perfect, it is all knowing, it is never lacking, and it will never fail. God loves us all, even though He knows that many of us will never go to Him and will never love Him back. God now waits for us to come to Him, to love Him more than anything we’ll find on this earth, so that the hopeless romantic can finally be reunited with all that He loves.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Walk beside Me as a Friend

            Friendship is a form of love that is completely unnecessary for daily human life and yet also lies at the heart of all human society. Men and women desire friendship, seek it out on a daily basis, are drawn towards it because to have friendship is to have a companionship like none other. When entering a new crowd of people, like a new school, kids will be drawn to do one of two things, either run to the friends they already know and love, or seek out more friends, more companions. Friendship is engrained in us during childhood; we want someone to play with, someone to break the rules with, someone to laugh at our jokes even when they’re not funny (especially when they’re not funny), and someone who just understands what we want. Friendship is what fuels us so often, and what starts us on many paths we never saw coming.

            Now, not to brag or anything, but I’ve had a good number of friends during my lifetime. Some friends have always been better than others and plenty of times I’ve fulfilled the role of not being the greatest of friends. I spent the vast majority of my life always having a best friend, someone to hang out with and who understood what I was thinking when I looked over at him from across the classroom. That guy was my best friend for over a decade and in many ways we still are best friends but when you don’t see each other 9 months out of the year, friendships don’t continue to grow at an even pace. This was what happened when I went off to college. You go to a new city, in a new state, where not a single soul from your high school class went and suddenly realize something, I have no friends here.

         I’ll admit, that’s a terrible realization. I thrive off of having friendships and growing deep, meaningful relationships with people and knowing that there wasn’t a single person within 200 miles that I had that relationship with…well let’s just say that was a trying time for me. I had to relearn how the process of making friends worked and make sure I understood that you don’t have to change yourself to make friends. It is quite the opposite; you must stay just who you are. If you’ve lived for roughly two decades or more, than at this point you’ve probably developed a pretty distinct personality, or we can only hope, and because of that there are certain things that you like, love, despise, find hilarious, and find monstrously annoying. These things make up who you are and they must make up the personalities’ of the people you befriend, or at least the person who becomes your best friend. Making friends is important (not just cause you need someone to play Smash Bros. with-which you do) but because nurturing relationships and creating something out of nothing can build up something special in all of us.

         All the time, I see people choosing not to make friends with others because they assume that they don’t have common interests or that the other person has plenty of friends already, but in the end relationships are built at a level far deeper than interests or some set amount of friends. Relationships develop when one person chooses to share their inner thoughts with someone whose willing to listen. They grow from a trying time when one just needs someone’s shoulder to cry on, or kind words to blow away the cruel troubles of life. Relationships leave a mark on us, a mark that will never go away and never fully dwindle. The mark of true friendship is a mark of love, not romantic love or the “love thy neighbor” love, but a love that gives us strength in our darkest hour, leads us home when we are lost, finds us weary and pulls us forward, and comforts us when all is lost.

         To make sure I don’t leave you hanging on a couple points, I did finally find some amazing friends at college through my campus ministry and not feeling sorry for myself anymore. The friends I’ve made not only put about a billion smiles on my face every week, but have also helped to introduce me to the one friend who has always walked by my side and yet I never knew was there. He knows me better than anyone else ever will, and yet there’s not a single creepy thing about that because He still loves me despite each and every flaw He knows I have. While He walks beside me, day in and day out, He also walks beside all men and women. He knows all things and yet still continues to love unconditionally. He is a friend above all friends, He makes your best friend just look lazy. He is the one friend who I could never know too well, and who will never leave my side. He is the one friend who is just waiting for you to start talking to Him so that He knows it’s time to talk back.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:12-15